Dear Maria,

2010-01-16T23:29:00.000+08:00

It's Day 32. I haven't written for so long, I'm sorry. My iTunes is being cruel tonight and playing John Mayer/Jason Reeves/Ryan Cabrera songs. I think it's reminding me to post here? Haha. I'm so glad that you got accepted to university (of course you did! You're a genius, and amazing, they'd be idiots not to accept you!) and I wish you all the luck. :)

Jasmine and I visited school today. Everyone misses you. Andy started college and he seems to be doing good. Except he got lost five times today and keeps mishearing his new Indian friends' names. And letting his laundry fly away.

Keep in touch. I love you! And take care.

Dear Maria,

2009-12-27T10:02:00.000+08:00

It's Day 12 and the only reason I'm writing right now, at 9.56am, is because:

I tried to pull another one of my half-nighters. You know how those never go well for me.
Jason Reeves' song just came up on iTunes and I didn't have it in me to press next. I've been avoiding that song and Ryan Cabrera's I will remember you like the plague man. Great, now She's got you high is playing. My iTunes is evil.

Anyway, I hope you had a great Christmas -- mine was pretty mediocre -- and that you get internet connection soon so that you can view this blog and see how pathetic I am.

Also, if you happen to have a spiffy connection while reading this, and YouTube videos are working for you, watch this, you'll have no regrets:

If it weren't for Ells and Jas, I would have never known how truly awesome this guy is. So I hope his songs bring you as much joy as they have brought me. Merry Christmas, bestie.

Loads of love and a mug of eggnog,
N.

Dear Maria,

2009-12-25T02:10:00.000+08:00

It's Day 10 and I haven't wrote to you in a really long time. I was pissed, I guess, that you had to leave. I didn't find it fair. On top of that, you weren't replying my texts. I feel like a crazy, stalking ex-girlfriend or something. Oh well.

I hung out with Jasmine today, I really missed her while she was away. We had fun, but we missed you. We talked about you-know-who and I guess it was a good conversation. I'm gonna get her to read the letter you gave me because I think she should as well since, now, we have something in common. -.-

I hope you're doing good and enjoyed Christmas eve. Merry Christmas, bestie, I miss you.

Loads of love and a gingerbread man,
N.

Dear Maria,

2009-12-25T02:08:00.000+08:00

These are our favourite memories of you.

There's one memory I have of her that I'll never forget. Because that one simple action of hers kept me awake all night. Back in Form 4, when we were learning Peribahasa, I was sitting next to her and we were talking about the Peribahasa 'Mata Juling'. And she told me to look into her eyes and she gave me this angelic smile.. Needless to say, I didn't sleep that night.

- Andy Chung

My favourite Ate Marr moment was when I ran into the toilets, crying and panicking, after my Maths assessment because I knew I had failed it. When I entered the toilet, she was on her way to locking herself inside one of the cubicles but when she saw me panicking, she immediately rushed to my side and gave me a big hug, telling me it was okay because I could always do better next time. She was there, giving me a hug and trying to calm me down when she really needed to pee. That just shows how good a friend and how unselfish she is. It shows how lucky you would be if you were her friend, one whom she cared for. I'm lucky to have had Ate Marr as a friend.

- Ella Iballa

Are you kidding me? There's a lot. Well, I can remember one. The one.. "That's hot." I was drinking, then water spilt down onto my shirt, then she went "That's so hot!" Or something like that. Vague but significant memory.

- Joel Laplap

Well, I guess all the times we had in tuition.. She was really friendly. I think she was the first person to talk to me. I'm not sure if that's considered a favourite memory, haha. But yeah, I guess you could say that she made me comfortable in tuition.

- Ira Ali

I'd say that my favourite memory would be when Ate Maria ordered a Pearl Harbour instead of a Pearl Cooler at Jollibee.

- Aime Bonifacio

Well, the hot dog thing at Doreen's place was funny.

- Cynthia Choo

At the airport, when we were sending her off, Maria told everyone that I had been her classmate for the longest time.

- Aimi Manaf

My favourite memory with Maria is whatever times we spent in school together. Knowing her is the happiest thing in my life. Well, you too, Niks.

- Jasmine Wong

I remember the days when Mar and I used to stay back at school for Green House debate preparations and how we used to get soooo bored and just let the others do all the work.

- Nicholas Jones

Mariiiaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa, my little buddy. The one thing that reminds me of you is that you were my first best friend. Ever. I remember when I didn't want to be friends with you, which right now gets me thinking, what the hell was wrong with me back then, but now I'm glad that I could have gotten to know you. I'm not saying this out of generosity or being humble but you are truly one of the nicest people I know. I bet you wouldn't even hurt a fly. Oops, I'm getting really corny now. Anyway, I have loads of fun memories with you but I've always favoured the times when we played with barbies way back when we were still young and totally innocent. I'm pretty sure you still are. But that's what's best about you. You have always been a good friend to me, you never judge and you were the first one to have your period, which adds to the list of being helpful 'cause you gave good advice on how to survive periods, especially for those starters. I will miss you. I wish that we could go back through time, because ever since I left, we never really kept in touch. But at least I got to hang with you one last time. Maria, Maria, Maria, best little girl in the areaaaa.

- Chin Chi

Dear Maria,

2009-12-16T14:50:00.000+08:00

It's Day 1, 2.46pm. I just woke up a couple of hours ago -- yes, finally got some sleep. I'm feeling a little better since my eyes aren't puffy and are no longer being weighed down by excess baggage. It's good to hear that you've settled in safely and are looking for Internet so that you can go online, spend some time on Facebook and Pet Society and maybe chat with me all night long. :) I think you'd like to know that my mom misses you. She claims that she can still remember the first time you came to my place, my old place -- she said you brought along a little lunch-pack and your Gameboy. You just sat on the sofa and played with it. She asked me if you wanted anything to eat and I said no, you brought your own food. I honestly DON'T remember this and it's likely that my mom is hallucinating but yeah, there we go. Even my mom feels sad that you're gone. She scolded me for not giving you a farewell present. -.-

The giraffes make me feel closer to you, like we're connected somehow. Promise to keep them by your bedside? :)

Loads of love, and a cup of steaming hot coffee,
N.

Dear Maria,

2009-12-16T03:08:00.000+08:00

It's still Day 1, 3.05am. Despite not having slept in over 24 hours, I can't sleep. I'm tired, definitely, it's just that my mind's so occupied. I just keep thinking that if I feel so crappy, when I'm still at home where I'm surrounded by people I grew up with, how are you feeling? I hate that I'm not there. I hate that I'm so attached to you that I feel like my life is over now that you're gone. I hate that I can't do anything else but look at old pictures and videos of us and post sad status updates on Facebook. I hate that I feel like all those letters I've written to you are not enough. I hate that you're gone.

Loads of love, and a few tears,
N.

Dear Maria,

2009-12-16T02:27:00.002+08:00

It's Day 1, 2.26am. I just finished editing the video of you leaving. I hope you're feeling at home in your pink bedroom. You know I love you.

Loads of love,
N.

Dear Maria,

2009-12-15T15:27:00.001+08:00

It's still Day 0. I'm going out soon with the 'rents. I really don't want to. I'm sleepy and tired. I don't have eye bags, I have eye luggage, and they weigh a fricken tonne. I'm listening to The End by Jason Reeves.

"The end is such a scary place to start, everything is torn apart, don't know where to go from here.. In the end, there's no reason to pretend, I know you won't be back again, I gotta find a way from here.. I don't know where I'll fall down.. But I'm sure to hit the ground.. 'Cause it's not over till it's over, every ending's a new beginning, one more chance to get it right, one more chance to get it wrong.. It's not over till it's over, sometimes nowhere leads to somewhere and it all starts again.. Yeah, it all starts again, in the end.."

I was scared too. But I'm not now. We'll be okay, both of us. (I honestly think I'm more scared than you are though. I'm terrified.) Just don't roam around wearing gold necklaces or bracelets or rings, okay? And I'll try to stay away from windows, terraces, roofs and razor blades. Just kidding. I'll talk to you later. :)

Loads of love,
N.

Dear Maria,

2009-12-15T15:06:00.000+08:00

It's Day 0. I sent you off at the airport just two hours ago and I miss you so much already. I'm listening to I will remember you by Ryan Cabrera and watching the amazing video you made for our batch. You are so amazing like that. And R. Cabrera is pretty amazing too because he took the words right from my mind and made it into a beautiful song.

"You were there when I needed a friend, thank you, thank you. I never told you how much that meant.. God, thank you, thank you. I, I will remember you, and all of the things that we've gone through, there is so much I could say but words get in the way so even when we're not together, I will remember you.."

All the things I wasn't able to say at the airport today.. All the things I couldn't write in my letter.. All those feelings that have never been expressed.. I know I don't need to say anything. I know that you know that you're my best friend. And I will always, always, always remember you.

Loads of love,
N.